A Hot Mess!: YOUR GHETTO STOCK MARKET REPORT

YOUR GHETTO STOCK MARKET REPORT

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

LIIIIVE ON LOCATION AT THE HIP HOP SODA SHOP IN HARLEM. MAKING YOUR FRUITY COUSIN DO THE RAIN DANCE SINCE 1983 IT'S YA MAN THE DOUGHBOY KICKING IT BUCK WILD!

Ayo fam, what up? It's the Doughboy with the creamy center coming in your eyes live from the Hip Hop Soda Shop in Harlem. I'm in New York this week acting like i'm the hood Ted Koppel trapped in Vietnam. There's it's a WARZONE and i'm trying not to get caught in it. I was just threatened by some buster at the legendary Fat Beats, talkin about how she's gonna expose me on the Hot 97 Summer Jam screen. She finally gave me my damn Thin Mints while sucking her buck teeth and moved her little Girl Scout tail on down 125th. Damn! Let's start off with this week's big winners.

The biggest winner without a doubt has to be The Game. JT put up big first week numbers for The Doctor's Advocate selling a massive 380,000 copies. After everything homeboy's been through and all the flop talk G-Unit stans were spitting, The Game can rest easy as Santa will at the very least deliver a gold record under his tree this Christmas. Watch out Butterfly Saints, if the Game posts a hip hop drop of 50% or more he will end up racking an "L". Real talk.

Another big winner this week is none other than the dirty pirate himself, Jimmy Jones. Jones recently got at jigga with a little help from Dame Dash on that diss track "Kingdom Done". Jigga fired back with some subliminals and a lukewarm freestyle on Hot 97. He came at him properly with the diss "Brooklyn High" with jigga doing what he does with the damn thing and flippin a nigga's beat and riding it like Bill Maher on Karrine Steffans. Unfortunately, the diss itself was flat out wack. Jim knew he was winning so he threw jigga's verse on his response and tore Jigga a new one with his tag team partner in crime Juelz Santana. He threw some shots at Nas and threw a little fire onto this beef. Above all with a hot single and mad respect, it's hard to say Jim Jones is doing anything but BALLLLLINNNN.

Our last winner of the week is none other than my dog Jamie Foxx. Let me tell you something about Jamie dog. Gets to mack on both Jennifer Hudson AND Beyonce in Dreamgirls, feels up on Oprah and brings down the house during the American Music Awards with his jaw droppin performance of "I Wish You Were Here". He slam dunked all of the hate and downlow rumors and flushed them down the toilet for the time being. When a Dreamgirls superfan came on the Oprah show and Jamie let him freak out over Beyonce. When the fan turned to him, he gave him a hand shake and let him know he needed to take that down a level. Slow down J, you're killin em. Killin em.

And now what you've been waiting for! THE LOSSES!

The first loss of the week goes to Michael Richards. Kramer, what are you doing fam? You just can't walk around on stage and toss out the big Klan card and then retract it when Jesse Jackson leaves you an ignant voicemail. You stick to your conferderate pistols Mr. Richards. I'll support you for keeping it real dog. In the day and age when racism is undercover and candid it's slightly refreshing to see a man just outright cuss some niggas out.

*Everything in the soda shop stops.*

Homeboy in the back: "Tha Fuck You Just Say?"

I'm just fuckin with y'all. You lost whitebread. The Laugh Factory issued a lifetime ban on Richards so i doubt there will be a makeup performance. Tough Break.

Next big loser has to be the Jigga man. Droppin weak verses is one thing. Appearing on Ellen is aight too. But being outright SONNED by ESPN's music director for Monday Night Football is just an outright shame man. The Jigga Man made an appearence in the booth on Monday Night Football and as they went to break, Jim Jones' "We Fly High" started playing. SONNED! Don't be mad Jigga, the whole world is too busy BALLLLLINNNN.

A loser that's no stranger to this side of the field is Kevin Federline. Sure dude is homeless and getting those checks like the ho he is. But he truely, genuinely messed up when he left ol girl Shar Jackson. Sure he knocked the girl up but DAYUM, shorty is just fine. I just wanted to post that picture of Shar.

In this week's "U Mad?" section goes out to none other than white people. White people converged together than joined forces with the powers that be (FOX News) to DENY the boy OJ Simpson his time in the sun to do one last touchdown dance in the end zone with his If I Did It Book and TV Special combo. I personally was looking forward to it because i always wanted to see what a voluntary confession would look like. But naw. White people are still mad that ya boy OJ is still walking free and they weren't about to let him cake off of his success either. I already had my If I Did It: The Mixtape copies and ready to sell. White people, U Mad???

This once again concludes another vital episode of the Ghetto Stock Market Report. Remember, if you see a nigga losin right on the street, rub some soil in his eyes and shout "TOUGH BREAK" to make it that much better. Peace in Trina's Yeast!

posted by Justin at 9:41 AM | Permalink |

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